changes

This week has been more about changes than anything else….everywhere I turn, whatever I am thinking about or doing seems to fall under the word…..

First there is the very dramatic change of the way the house looks. I finally took the advice of a realtor friend and made some small but very significant changes in the placement of furniture and accessories throughout the house and I was…well, amazed! at the difference those little changes made.  The house which seemed small is suddenly quite spacious and really lovely in a magazine-ish sort of way.  Who ever would have guessed that our house could look like this?  not me for sure! Changes.

Then there have been changes in the way I see myself and my siblings…..one I have become much closer to than I ever imagined, the other unfortunately I feel a need to release from my life.  Negativity and harsh putdowns were never my style and it has become apparent that this sib is anything but sweetness and light sees everything (and yes, I mean EVERYTHING) as a personal attack.  I just can’t live that way and let her know that though I love her and always shall do so, her attitude is having a negative consequence of my pulling away both emotionally and physically.  Changes.

Then there is the first huge change in me…….I suddenly can roll an R and my Spanish is getting much clearer…my Hispanic lawn maintenance fellow doesn’t laugh at me anymore when I speak with him, but instead answers me slowly and clearly so I can “conversate” with him…..changes.

then there is a huge one……my friend’s mom was taken to the hospital then air-flighted to yet another hospital……she is doing very poorly and is not really expected to pull out of this enough to go home again.  If she is placed in a nursing home, my friend…….a person I have known barely a year but am closer to than I ever imagined will more than likely move to a different state and there will be no more running around together…….

now, I understand that I am going to be moving.not just to another state but to a whole different country…..but for some reason the possibility of her moving is just kicking my ass……….so I am left wondering ………what in the world is wrong with me that it’s ok for me but not for her to move?  Something tells me that another change needs to come about..this time with my own attitude…………..sigh…….but I’ll start thinking about how to go about that particular change some other time………………………maybe tomorrow.

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