My father would have been 98 years old today had he lived.  He sort of curled up emotionally and  physically after Mom died back in 1994.  He managed to hang on for about 18 months but not a single day after Mom died did he enjoy life. I used to feel so helpless when trying to care for him as absolutely nothing made any difference to him emotionally…and I remember thinking “thank God I don’t love anyone that much”……….

I adore my husband and children………….I love my siblings……..and there are a few that I number as family and I love them……but I do not have the all consuming need to be with someone to the exclusion of everyone else that my dad had for mom………

I used to think that there was something wrong with me as I didn’t share the kind of….well….obsession I guess that my parents had.  Now I am simply grateful that I don’t share it.  After watching my strong father turn into a shell of a man I am terribly grateful that I don’t have that kind of obsession for anyone. I know that I can survive and actually be happy should anything happen to George…..oh boy, that may have sounded much worse than what I meant.  Oh well.

After dad died, we found out all kinds of stuff about him that we had never known….like what he did during WW2……..we all knew he had been in the Navy and was a photographer’s mate…we never did know he was assigned to the OSS though…turns out daddy was a sort of a spy. I guess he had taken an oath or something because it was a complete surprise to all of the kids.  Dad was also the ONLY man ever to receive a military retirement ceremony even though he was a civilian…… I have no idea how that came about, but we have pictures of his retirement ceremony and all the pomp and circumstance of the military ceremony is quite clear in them….and we have three articles from local papers telling us about it all…….we just don’t know WHY……………

I wonder if my children will wonder about my life when I die the way I think about my dad? I doubt it…Rich knows a heck of a lot about my life as I have told him, or he’s read it in the papers……….Rob simply doesn’t give a damn and frankly that is his loss not mine………

Oh dear sounded uncaring again, didn’t I? My friends know why Rob is estranged…everyone else? nun-ya as Mom would say.  It simply is none of your business.  I was considering writing a journal for Richard should he ever want to know the gory details that I haven’t told him but then I am too lazy (or concerned with his emotional well-being) to do so. He’ll simply have to read the blog to find out what I was thinking…….and even that may not be enough to explain anything!


slightly Insane brain

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