Back Where I Come From, day 10

Suzanne McClendon’s September Challenge is based on a song by Kenny Chesney: Back Where I Come From.  The questions are about our home town and are designed, it seems to me, to bring forth memories long forgotten.  Check out her page and join in with the rest of us.  Everyone can do with a bit of nostalgia for “the good old days” every now and again.

Day 10: How do you feel about the place that you came from?

How do I feel about Springfield? Nostalgia comes to mind.

Looking at it through a child’s eyes, I miss it. I loved the sweet days of spring when the jonquils first bloomed..and it seemed it rained every day until suddenly flowers were everywhere under a robin’s egg blue sky.

I miss the hot and sticky summertime…golden colored days of running madly around the woods with my friends and throwing ourselves into the creek to cool off and catch salamanders.

I miss the cool fall days, leaves turning gold, scarlet and a brilliant orange before falling down to make cushions for us to throw ourselves into…the pumpkins on everyone’s doorsteps signaling that Halloween was just around the corner.

I miss the first snowfall of the year and rushing out after chores were done to make angels in the snow. I miss choir practice and the hymns we sang during the Christmas Eve midnight service.

Looking at Springfield through the eyes of a teen, I do not miss anything about it.

I do not miss the biting sarcasm of my brother, the disapproval of my Mother…the constant questioning about my “morals and sexuality”.  I do not miss the “inspections” by my Mother to “make sure I was a virgin”.

I am grateful I no longer have to hear my Mother’s interrogations of any friend that might appear at our door.

Nor do I miss the loss of friends in Viet Nam.

The constant chores, and having to do them several times because they weren’t “done correctly”, is a blessing I can do without quite easily.

I do not miss the constant belittlement of any statement I made or dream I had.

I do not miss being blamed for anything that went wrong in our family.

On a “physical place” level instead of an emotional one, I do not miss the extreme growth of the early 70’s that turned my small town into a major city, with the traffic and noise…the emerging crime…the race riots and the KKK burning a cross on the neighbor’s lawn.

I do not miss the absolute hypocricy of the South, speaking well to the faces of the “Northerners” moving in, then discussing their “disgusting habits” behind their backs.

How do I feel about Springfield?

Very glad I no longer live there.

9 thoughts on “Back Where I Come From, day 10

  1. I am so sorry for the hardships of your teenage life. How on earth did your mother “inspect” you to make sure you were a virgin? Most everybody knows that even riding a bicycle or a horse can break the hymen, making one appear to no longer be a virgin. I am so sorry you have had to endure whatever she did to you! I can understand there being no desire to go back.

    This resonated with me: “I do not miss being blamed for anything that went wrong in our family.” That was the story of my childhood, too. What guilt I didn’t put on myself for various things, my mother was more than happy to heap on. She made the choice to do certain things out of wedlock that brought me into existence. She chose to marry my daddy. She chose to stay in an unsafe environment. But, somehow the beatings that she endured were my fault, because Daddy didn’t start beating her until after I was born. Believe me, it has been far easier to forgive my daddy than it has been to forgive her. I’m still working on that one.

    Thank you so much for sharing such a deep look into your heart with this post. Have a blessed day.

    PS I hope this comment goes through to you. I can’t see where any of my comments are actually making it to your posts, though I am commenting. I don’t know what I am doing wrong.

    Have a blessed day.

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    1. thank you so much for your remarks. I have learned through many years of counseling that when something comes through to release it so it doesn’t harm me anymore. That is what i do with my blog. I am grateful for the little nudges your challenge is giving me. They are allowing me to release things that I had blocked. You don’t want to know how Mother checked me out. Her medical knowledge was scanty at best. She is gone now, thank God, but every now and then the traumas rear up and I hear the vitriol again. I don’t know what is going on with WP on the comments. This one ame through and I had to moderate or accept it. All my settings are for anyone to comment whenever they feel like it.

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  2. I had the same problem with the comments, that is why there are two limericks, lol.
    So sorry you and I had such similar childhoods with overbearing/overprotective mothers. At least I was not “inspected” but was blamed for many things.

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    1. what didn’t kill us, made us stronger.

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  3. You’re welcome, Suze. I am glad this challenge is helping you to release some of these sad, awful things. I am sorry you had to endure such things to begin with. I wonder did your mother go through such things during her childhood? Sometimes abuse stems from abuse, which is something that I don’t understand. I mean, I understand it is what some children learn growing up, so they repeat it. But, I can’t fathom putting someone else through this trauma or that one that I suffered. This is just one messed up world.

    I am glad that my previous comment made it through. Here’s hoping this one does, too.

    Have a blessed week. 🙂

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    1. no, I don’t believe she did. Her mother was a sweet lady with high standards, rarely raised her voice and never raised her hand to anyone so far as I know. Mother was a narcissist…with all the drama that goes along with the disgnosis. She was the same with my sister.

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      1. You poor girls. 😦 I am glad that you had a sweet grandma. It is wonderful to have a shelter in the storm, especially when our mamas are being the storm.
        Do you know what drives a person to become a narcissist?
        Have a blessed day.

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      2. It’s a mental illness that as much as I can figure out develops during the teen years and just gets worse with age.

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      3. I’ve run into a few of them myself over the years. You just want to smack ’em. My mama was pretty selfish, but I am not sure if she graduated to narcissist status or not, though.

        Have a blessed night.

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