letters not sent…………a reblog from my letter writing days…

I was considering sending this off to the morons that provided service here, but George advised me not to…actually, he said “Suze, if you send that I will be bailing you out of jail”…so I decided to wait.  Then I thought, wouldn’t my friends like to see an example of the sort of complaints I tend to write to companies that fail to follow through on their promises…………and yes, names of companies were changed to protect them (and me!!)  so, without further ado………………………..
Dear Cretins,
I have been an Veri-horizons customer since 9th July 2012, when I signed up for your
3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month
period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously
considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic
Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your
professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties – or more
likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as
you while away the working day smoking and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog
in your office:
My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my spending
an entire Saturday sitting on my fat ass waiting for your technician to arrive.
When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your
infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling
me to look at your helpful website…. HOW? I alleviated the boredom by playing
with myself for a few minutes – an activity at which you are no-doubt both
familiar and highly adept.
The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the
technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools – such as a drill-bit,
and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After
15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem arrived… six weeks after I had
requested it, and begun to pay for it. I estimate your Internet servers downtime
is roughly 35%… hours between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the
I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my mobile
to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of
disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock
jugglers. I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone
will call me back); that no telephone line is available and someone will call me
back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a
telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred
to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your
office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been
redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman…and several other variations
on this theme.
Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand
other dissatisfied customers to ignore.
Frankly I don’t care; it’s far more satisfying as a customer to voice my
frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive
me, therefore, if I continue.
I thought US Telecom were sh*t, that they had attained the holy p*ss-pot of god-awful
customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested,
less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers.
That’s why I chose Veri-horizons, and because, well, there isn’t anyone else is there? How
surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction
and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are
sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum – incompetents of the highest order.
UST – morons though they are – shine like brilliant beacons of
success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy.
Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to
receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease any potential
future attempts to extort payment from me for the services, which you have so
pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver- any such activity will be
greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief quickly be replaced by derision,
and even perhaps bemused rage.
I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray,
as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your
pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during
transit – they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel
considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and
delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards Veri-horizons,
and it’s worthless employees.
Have a nice day – may it be the last in your miserable short life, you
irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of tw*ts.
Signed: me

4 thoughts on “letters not sent…………a reblog from my letter writing days…

  1. Remind me never to cross you


  2. Suze, undoubtedly George was right. Have you ever considered smoke signals? Inexpensive, simple, no contract, no lousy service (except when it rains) and you can cook over the fire.


    1. you make me laugh! smoke signals….rofl


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