reblog from 2012…night music

First published August 3, 2012

So last night I am relaxing in bed, just starting to fall asleep when an awful racket breaks out from the house and/or yard next door……..now I like my neighbors……they’re a little odd at times but basically decent people, but the noise level was too high for comfort…………There was loud music (not good music either but the deep boom-boom-boom of a bass with a sort of ratchety screechy noise and garbled voices……….every now and then an expletive would be shouted and my thoughts were leaning dangerously towards “where’s that old shotgun of Daddy’s” when I decided to just go next door and see what the hubbub was all about……………….

So, I roll out of bed…………….dang it was so comfortable too……………..and grabbed a robe (see I have a little bit of decorum left in me somewhere), grabbed some shoes (lord only knows where my slippers are hiding) and made for the front door with the intentions of 1. seeing if anyone was injured, and 2. seeing if I couldn’t injure someone if there was no reason for all this noise………………………………………………….

I get outside and critters scramble out of the way………..didn’t bother to check and see if they were cats or raccoons, all I cared about was they were moving outta the way. I started across the lawn (well, it used to be a lawn before the drought….now it’s dried up brown grass and a bunch of dirt). There wasn’t a light on in their front yard………………….this was wierd as they have spotlights usually shining all night directly into my bedroom window……….but nothing was lit up……………….and the truck outside in their driveway had an open door…………and music was blaring out of it.

NO ONE was in the truck. I know cause I checked……..there was no one in the cab or the bed of the danged thing. There was a lot of scurrying around by assorted cats (I think they were cats…..I had failed to put my glasses on prior to this trek across yards). I glanced inside the cab to see where to turn off the radio but there didn’t seem to be a knob or button or whatever to turn it off. Ok, now up to the door. Maybe someone had a stroke or sumthin and forgot to turn off the radio. So I head towards the front steps………………..more scurrying of creatures………..I am starting to feel like I am in an episode of Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom before I get up the steps.

Finally get to the front door and bang on it with my fist to get anyone’s attention………………and I wait……………and wait……………….and wait for someone to answer…….. meanwhile, there’s more scurrying sounds behind me and the music is giving me a headache…………………..I start banging again and this time yell out (in case they are sleeping…or bleeding to death on their living room floor and didn’t hear me the first time “hey! This music is annoying as Hell! Get out here NOW!”

Of course no one answers the door……….I mean, I can understand that as I wouldn’t answer the door if a Myopic old lady was banging on MY door at 1 in the morning!……So I figure either they are already dead from some unknown catastrophy or they aren’t home……….so I trek back down the steps and trip over something big and furry in my path…………………….and promptly fall into the bushes…………………….argggggggggggggggggggggg

After picking myself up, and failing to find one shoe that I lost during the fall…………I wander on home through the dead grass and dirt in search of a flashlight so I can turn off the music. Halfway across the yard I step into some fairly soft dirt and think “wow, wonder what’s been digging here” when I start to feel a burning stinging sensation on the bottom of my foot!  OH CRAP! Fire Ants!

Now I am RUNNING to the front of the house cause these lil bastards never stop biting until they are dead and my ankle is now burning!  Get to the hose at the front of the deck, turn it on full blast and soak my feet!  Of course, by now some of the little ants have wandered their way up the inside of my robe and are biting me in Gawd-awful places. No help for it now………off comes the robe and I start spraying every inch of me I can find.

Now, picture this if you can………Old lady……front yard……..hose in hand………….half undressed………blaring music……………….jumping and kicking trying to get ants off…………and the neighbors pull up into their driveway………followed by ………………..SIGH……………….a police car!

Yep………..after laughing their respective asses off both the neighbor and the cop try to catch their breathe and see if I need anything………the neighbor doesn’t seem to notice all the music coming from his truck………and the cop has a smirk on his face…………………….I (being the lovely and gracious Southern Woman that I am) screech “turn off that damned MUSIC! This is YOUR fault you selfish PIG!”

The neighbor turns off the truck radio by popping the hood and disconnecting the battery…………..the cop…….now wearing a very serious and slightly po’d expression walks over and says “what did you call me?”  Meantime, I am standing in a puddle of water (yes we are at stage 2 of a water restriction during a drought) soaking wet wearing one shoe and a fully saturated and now transparent nighty…………………….and I say “the pig was HIM! not YOU! YOU are just a jackass!”

In hindsight, I should have just found the old earplugs George bought to wear during campouts.

2 thoughts on “reblog from 2012…night music

    1. i know…names have been changed to protect the innocent…ya notice I didn’t change mine! lol

      Liked by 1 person

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