In my defense, I have been suffering with influenza this past week and I am just not physically or emotionally capable of dealing with people.
Today was the first day in a week that I felt human enough to venture outside of my home. I went to the grocery store for a few items we needed, and spent an hour with my closest friend. I was exhausted by the time I got back home again. I fed the dogs, and went into the bedroom to lie down and had just relaxed when the doorbell rang.
Now what? I thought, and grumbling got back up again to see who was at the door.
Before I got halfway to the door, the doorbell rang again…and again…and again…so by the time I actually opened the front door, not only was I annoyed, but I also had a headache from the danged bell.
In front of me stood two old ladies (yes, they were actually older than I am) holding tightly to their purses with one hand while holding pamphlets with the other.
Great. Bible thumpers………and I am not desirous of having a conversation about God. They started their spiel with “have you been saved by the blood of Christ?”
Now, there’s a gorgeous cross hanging on the outside wall of my home. We still have Christmas lights dangling from the roof (it’s been too cold and nasty out to risk a roof fall to take them down). You’d think they would have a better starting point.
I said (yes I was rude) “And what EXACTLY makes it any of YOUR business if I have?”.
One of the “ladies” said “sorry to disturb you” and turned to leave. The other battle-ax…ummm, LADY said “It is our MISSION in life to bring the WORD of GOD to every HEATHEN and show them the RIGHT WAY to live and worship”.
I raised one eyebrow and said “really?” which she took to be permission to continue……..proselytizing for all she was worth, misquoting Jesus, misquoting the BIBLE, and generally annoying the CRAP out of me.
I put up my hand and said “get thee behind me Satan” and slammed the door.
This absolute MORON wasn’t going to give up until she had her say though and starting mashing on the doorbell again.
I finally (after maybe eight minutes) opened the door and she started in telling me all about how “Jesus came to Earth on the wings of angels to take the people up into his loving arms and show them the way to think and live”, and she had “a MISSION to convert me.”
I said “Not only are you uneducated about Jesus and the Bible, but you are obviously uneducated about the laws of the land. You are NOT wanted here nor will I continue to allow that doorbell to be pushed. Get OFF my porch. Get off my land, and never come back. ”
She started to argue…so I finally said “Listen you stupid old crone. I am a Wiccan! A WITCH. Get off my porch or so help me you will end up as a frog!”. ((no, I am not a witch..maybe, okay definitely a word that rhymes))
Well that got her off my porch….and out of my yard. And I went back to bed.
They will probably show back up again with reinforcements and I swear…next time I am going to sneeze on them and share this FLU!