I suppose every family is similar…there will be one kid that is the scapegoat….one that is “pretty” and therefor clueless……one that is “nice”….one that is “perfect”.
At least that’s the way it was in MY family.
As well as being the scapegoat for every single thing that went “wrong” on a weekly basis, I was the kid responsible for solving all the problems. It made sense…if I was at fault for whatever, I should be the one to “fix’ it.
I have moved past that in most ways…unless the “problem” has to do with my baby sister. Then inevitably, I will stick my nose in to try to “fix” it. So, it was typical behavior for me to have become a counselor.
I gave up my license years ago after my first heart attack…but that doesn’t mean I have lost any ability to find several solutions to each problem and gently make suggestions or ask questions in an effort to have people fix their own problems. I realize this behavior is a direct result of being the scapegoat for my childhood family..I realize it is not truly healthy emotionally…yet I fall into it so very easily.
I remember watching television shows about “families” when I was a child..and they were all so loving and happy with each other.
Even when the kids acted badly it was cause for some soft correction by their parents. No dad ever walked away from the conflict…no mother ever screamed, threw vases or books at the kids, or slapped them across the face.
No Mom ever beat the kids with a metal yardstick. or made them go break off a willow branch with which they were “spanked” . No Mom ever lied about their daughters to their sons. No Mom ever tried to turn the child who reported the abuse into a liar not to be trusted.
I figured out very quickly that either my family was totally screwed up or the people on those television show were just a bunch of fantasists.
I wish my siblings had been able to work through the emotional abuse we all suffered. I have an elder brother…the child who was perfect..that has never been in a relationship. No one can ever meet his expectations, and when they can’t be the “perfect” person are shoved aside with sarcastic and cruel remarks.
I have a younger brother who is in a good relationship, and he is a “good father”…he is also a religious fanatic and refuses to deal with anyone that believes differently than he does.
I have a younger sister who is incredibly intelligent, has an incredibly difficult job at which she excels, but is caught up in growing older and being unable to deal with it. She is absolutely beautiful yet sees only each tiny line or gray hair as a slap in her face.
I look at each sibling and wish I could “fix” it. I KNOW that was my family role and just how unhealthy it is for me to think this way. At least now I can step back and do nothing.
It took years but I managed to escape from the Narcissism that entangled all of us. As a result though, I have no contact with either brother, and very little with my beloved sister.
It still amazes me that, after all the abuse, when my Mother needed a caretaker at the end of her battle with cancer, I was the one she turned to. I took care of her until she died. And I felt nothing. Nothing at all except relief when she finally died. That was her legacy to me.