end of life discussions

For those that don’t know, my sweet hubby, George, is a hospice nurse. Yep, he is one of those incredible, loving, compassionate people who care for the dying.

Good for me as I have multiple medical issues that will ultimately get me and I have zero desire to hit up a hospital or go through all kinds of treatments for something that is end game at best.

I think as we age it is vitally important to discuss end of life issues with one’s family or significant other. Especially to do so while one is in fairly good health.

So many couples we have known have not discussed what they want or what they expect and when their spouse dies are left feeling helpless and hopeless…constantly second guessing what their loved one would have wanted.

I’m not sure where this seemingly western attitude of fearing death came from………I have had discussions with people from the Orient, the Middle East, Central America……….none of them seem to share my own family’s inability to talk openly about death. I tried talking with siblings and ended up having to stop because:

  1. they got upset
  2. they got mad
  3. they thought I was already dying and didn’t know how to tell them
  4. they refused to engage in discussion

What is the big deal people?  For those of “faith” I would think it would be an easy discussion. It’s easier to get an atheist to discuss death than for me to get my ‘Christian” brother to do so………

What is so danged hard? We are all of us going to die at some point…discussing specifics about what you want and don’t want will not bring it about any faster.

Do yourself a favor.  If you know basically what you want, tell a family member.  Tell a friend. Better still, write it down so no one argues about your wishes later.  You never know if a bus is going to go amok and run over you.

 

16 thoughts on “end of life discussions

  1. I think as the years and the decades go by, we, as a society, are pushing back the very idea of death. People don’t get exposed anymore, sometimes there’s not even funerals. Even animals… We don’t want to see an animal being put to death, though we enjoy our steak or chicken wings… People just don’t know how to aknowledge death.

    I have no problem with talking about death. I even discussed my funerals with my dad once, in case I’d die before him and my mom… And we even did so with humor 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m so sorry about your hubby!

    You are right. No one wants to talk about death. It’s as though they think if they don’t talk about it, it won’t happen.

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    1. I think you misunderstood, Juli-she said her husband is a hospice nurse. Not that he is on hospice. 😊

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I certainly DID misread!!! Oh dear!!!!!!! That’s what happens when I’m on the Internet past my bedtime! Soooo Sorry!!!!!!!!!!

        Liked by 2 people

      2. it’s okay, Juli….a LOT of people do that.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. I think you misunderstood. he works for hospice..he’s a nurse. not a patient sweetie.

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  3. I have no issues talking about it. Neither does my mother. We have both talked openly about our wishes. My sister will, but prefers not to. It’s important for loved ones to know. My dad was in hospice care at home before he died, the hospice team were wonderful! They are who we called when he passed. They were a big help. It definitely takes a special person to do such work. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Your husband is incredible person indeed and so are you for supporting him!!. it is not a easy task, I know… I helped my late wife deal with cancer for 4 years so not only do I have a bit of experience in that area, I also met a number of hospice nurses who helped along the way…
    Unfortunately people do not wish to talk about death because they live in fear, and death seems to be final… my family knows my wishes so now it is on the back burner and it is back to living life for however long… although I am not going to be changing the water heater anytime soon… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m young by society’s standards but have already begun planning/preparing for what Caitlin Doughty calls “the good death”. Unfortunately, my attempts to talk about such matters have been largely ignored.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. My family and I have no problem talking about death, it comes to us all at some point. My mum has a funeral plan organised and paid for, so has John. I will do my own as soon as funds allow it. To me death is not the end but the beginning. I would not want a fortune spending on a funeral because personally I think it’s a waste of money.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. George knows just cremate me and dump the ashes in my garden somewhere. Then have a party. I want people telling Suze stories and laughing all night long. I thought about making a tape recording of me saying “don’t I look natural?” or “is my butt too big in this dress?” and leaving it next to the urn, but George said I wasn’t allowed to do that. LOL

      Liked by 1 person

  7. A very brave and important post. Thank you. I told my family, when I pass, I just want them to leave me sitting on the living room couch. That’s as much as I can handle discussing it at this point.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. what a great visual! I can see you now on NewYearsEve..cigarette holder in one hand and martini glass in the other..lampshade on your head.

      Like

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