I woke up this morning thinking it was Monday. It isn’t..it is still Sunday morning here in glorious Enid, but my brain just couldn’t accept it. For just a moment, I time traveled…..at least in my brain.
I also thought today was my wedding anniversary…it isn’t. That was yesterday. And to my utter relief, George didn’t remember it either.
I suppose after 33 years, it really isn’t that big a deal anymore.
My second thought after realizing I missed my anniversary was “I have been married longer than I was alive when I got married”…hoo boy. That was a real brain twister.
I’ve been thinking about our wedding…how very young we both were…the people who attended and the things those people said. My brother played his guitar at our reception. My sister was maid of honor..George’s sister was a bridesmaid..and two lovely gentlemen attended George. Both are gone now..one to wounds incurred in battle during Desert Storm and one to cancer.
So many who were guests are gone now. Both of our parents……a brother, a cousin, numerous friends. And here we still are.
One of the most difficult lessons George and I have had to learn in this marriage is how to let go.
Let go of family..let go of things, places, pets, children, friends. And as we age, we have to let go more and more frequently.
People of faith, I think, may have an easier time of letting go than I. Oh, I have faith in God as I know her…but not in any organized fashion. I tend to rant and rail when letting go. It may not be external but the outrage and ranting are all there.
Today, I think I should let go of the image of us as “young”…it occurred to me that I still think of myself as being a young person, and that is far from reality. I am only “young” if people naturally live to be 200! I am so much closer to the end of my time here than the beginning, and possibly it is time for me to internalize that fact.
Yea….that isn’t going to happen. At least not today.
Today, the rock and roll will be played at max volume while I sweep and scrub the floors and the bathroom. Today I will again dance with my broom or my mop..every now and then stopping to use it as a microphone when a particular song plays. Today I will eat my dessert before my dinner…and I will play a fantasy computer game instead of paying bills.
Today is a day to celebrate the fact that I have life.