It finally hit me yesterday just what a blessing it is to no longer have to pay a mortgage payment every payday.

I was able, for the very first time, to purchase a “wish list” item and never once have to think “can we afford this?”.

We have struggled for so long to simply keep a roof over our heads that this one small thing made me tear up in relief and joy.

I bought a tent.

It wasn’t even on “sale”, but I paid the full retail price and didn’t have to worry if the bills could still be paid. I knew they would. I knew we had “more than enough” for this month.

And I am so, so grateful.

Six years ago, this was the impossible dream.

Five years ago we thought “maybe if we move” it could be possible. 500 miles north on the highway and hoping a new start (just one more new start) would bring about some relief.

Four and a half years ago we bought the house and started the journey towards eventual full-ownership.

It’s been difficult.

There were months when I went without meds so I could get groceries..there were months when I prayed a check would arrive on time………praying we had a black line in the checking account instead of a red one.  Praying we’d somehow find the money for repairs when we were living paycheck to paycheck.

I felt so guilty for so long about being unemployed. I have always worked, and being unable was a crushing blow to my feelings of worth.

Yesterday I bought a tent.

Today I bought my meds.

Tomorrow I will buy groceries.

And each and every day from yesterday to forever……..I will be grateful.


8 thoughts on “Gratitude

  1. Suze, you inspire me. Congratulations. I also can no longer work and sometimes feel “unworthy” of happiness and contentment. But for the graces of a good friend, I would be homeless. This is a difficult passage for me because my entire life was built on independence and self-reliance.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I’m so happy for you, Suze! I cannot speak to your situation because everyone’s is their own unique set of problems, but I know what you and Larry mean about feeling guilty and worthless because I don’t work (full-time) anymore. Now you can do your happy dance!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. It comes to us all eventually when all our lessons have been learnt, true peace of mind. I’m am really happy for you both🌹

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Good for you. We are still in the ‘could use a million dollars to pay off bills’ phase, but it’s getting better I hope.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Congratulations! You deserve that so much !!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. thank you, everyone who responded to this. i feel so blessed to count you “friends’.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. And this to the silly lady who thought I was crazy for saying, come to Oklahoma with me!!! giggles!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I will never be able to forget that I rolled my eyes at you when you said “come to Oklahoma” will I? LOL!


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