It finally hit me yesterday just what a blessing it is to no longer have to pay a mortgage payment every payday.
I was able, for the very first time, to purchase a “wish list” item and never once have to think “can we afford this?”.
We have struggled for so long to simply keep a roof over our heads that this one small thing made me tear up in relief and joy.
I bought a tent.
It wasn’t even on “sale”, but I paid the full retail price and didn’t have to worry if the bills could still be paid. I knew they would. I knew we had “more than enough” for this month.
And I am so, so grateful.
Six years ago, this was the impossible dream.
Five years ago we thought “maybe if we move” it could be possible. 500 miles north on the highway and hoping a new start (just one more new start) would bring about some relief.
Four and a half years ago we bought the house and started the journey towards eventual full-ownership.
It’s been difficult.
There were months when I went without meds so I could get groceries..there were months when I prayed a check would arrive on time………praying we had a black line in the checking account instead of a red one. Praying we’d somehow find the money for repairs when we were living paycheck to paycheck.
I felt so guilty for so long about being unemployed. I have always worked, and being unable was a crushing blow to my feelings of worth.
Yesterday I bought a tent.
Today I bought my meds.
Tomorrow I will buy groceries.
And each and every day from yesterday to forever……..I will be grateful.